Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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