i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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