Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
