If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
