just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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