You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
