JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
