That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
