We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
