Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
