Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
