we have officially lost it.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
