At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
