All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize