In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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