I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize