I love black thongs
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
