Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
