I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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