so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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