I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
