If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
