We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
