Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
as a side note pls kill me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize