cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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