im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
