so that wasnt chicken after all
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
