bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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