Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
