Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
this beer tastes like vomit already
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
