3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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