There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
