Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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