Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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