Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my sisters under your porch take her home
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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