I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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