sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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