anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
