you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
