I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
