I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Panties = found
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
