Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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