he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
