you traded sex for a burrito?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize