I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
