Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
