i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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