I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
