would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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