I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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