if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
