Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
