i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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