win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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