where am i from again
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize