never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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