drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
