hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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