we're blogging at a bar
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
