Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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