You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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