do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
