I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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