Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
